When tomorrow starts without me..

You would think by now, I would know my way around,
I shouldn't miss you so badly, I should be on familiar ground.

How many more lonely years, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.

What manner of iron will, must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.

Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.

Perhaps I'm only homesick, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.

But I know that deep within my heart, there's a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide.

So if sometimes it seems to you, I'm clinging to the past,
it's mostly because I can't yet accept, that our love didn't last.

No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,
for the part of me that's still alive, believes you love me too.

Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.

When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.

The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.

Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.

I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.

They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?

I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.

I saw him just today and his smile is still the same.
He looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.

I wonder if he remembers me, It hasn't been that long.
He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song.

No escape..

As I sit to write something, I hope, wish and pray I feel somewhat better at the conclusion of this post than what I'm feeling now.. We all have our bad days, our emotional moments, our teary eyed moments .. and I've been having one too many off late.. Call it hormonal imbalance, stress or plainly an over worked pessimistic thought process, I'm feeling bitterly low.. I'm unable to explain what I actually feel at this moment.. but whatever it is its giving me this feeling of utter helplessness.. I've always believed in defying the norms, fighting against all odds, rising from the ashes.. it just makes my adrenaline rush.. What is life without that little dash of excitement and fervor, without the little problems, disappointments, failures with the accompaniment of melodrama.. But.. for some people life is always a struggle.. life can certainly be cruel, merciless and tough.. I read somewhere this interesting quote.. 'Expecting life to treat you fairly because u r a good person is just like expecting a tiger not to eat u because u r a vegetarian..' hah! how true is that!

I knew this woman since my childhood. Their family lived the door next to ours. The woman was from a traditional orthodox family, coy and subdued. It was a joint family and she really had to toil hard from morning to evening with the never ending house chores. Then she gave birth to a son.. Unfortunately, the boy's both legs were affected with Polio.. I guess the poor woman blamed herself for this.. She would wake up early morning and massage the legs of the boy with oil and make him walk.. It was a painful process for someone to watch.. The woman did this for years together. She had three more children after the boy but she never shifted her focus from her first child.. This was about 10-15 years ago.. A few days ago, I heard the news that she expired. Upon inquiring I came to know she had cancer. She died bravely fighting the battle of her life against this deadly disease.. My heart goes out to this woman and her family.. and ever since I just cannot shake off the memories I have of her.. What a struggle this woman's whole life was..! Why? What was the purpose..? I know Allah knows best why there is so much pain and suffering in this world.. but I'm just appalled.. Didn't she deserve a better life? Didn't she deserve a better ending? I don't know.. nor will I ever know..

I read several cases of suicides in the papers daily. Such blatant misuse of the power Allah has bestowed upon us.. Tolerance levels in people have particularly declined.. today nobody wants to tolerate and be patient in the journey of life.. They want their wants and desires to realize quickly.. They cant take failures, financial crunches, illness, heart aches and broken love affairs.. They want all highs and no lows. And since that is impossible, they kill themselves. How unfortunate! Initially it angered me, I didn't feel any empathy towards such people who take their own life.. but now I think differently.. Killing oneself surely requires a lot of courage and I can only imagine how helplessness and lonely and trapped these people would have felt and what level they must have been pushed to.. to commit such a heinous crime against themselves.. Human beings are complicated creatures but however complicated they may be, all they seek is love and compassion. When material things are broken, they can be mended and it may not hurt as much.. but when dreams, hopes, aspirations are shattered, then maybe that must have been all that they had in their lives to look forward to.. The whole purpose of life diminishes and maybe thats what prompts them to take their own life.. I'm not defending suicide.. but I'm trying to explore the reasons behind it, expecting more empathy and patience.. more love and compassion for the people around us.. Is that so difficult to give away?

Here is this song for u.. Listen to it if u are in the mood for some tears..

Want marital harmony? Biwi jo bolti hain suno :))

This is the news of May 19, 2009: This is not some piece of advice from a marriage counselor, rather it is from the country's apex court. The Supreme Court has a recipe for a successful marriage, more so for men: Obey your wife and rule the world! If you want to buy matrimonial peace just do whatever your wife says!

A vacation bench of justices of the Supreme Court observed, "Biwi joh boltee hai woh sunno (listen to whatever your wife says), as otherwise it could land you in trouble. Because if you do not listen to her, you will suffer the consequences." "Hum sab bhogi hai (we are all sufferers)," the bench said in a lighter vein.The bench further said that a husband has to accept the suggestion of a wife irrespective of the fact whether it is sensible or not.

"If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble. Hum sub bhogi hai," the bench remarked again.

This news prompted me to delve deep into this subject.. I contemplated to write a stunning post on 'Tips for a successful married life'.. I have extensively done a loooot of research on it.. If there would have been a PhD awarded for it, I would be the top deserving candidate for the honor.. and maybe could be an inspiration for this movie titled.. 'Munni behen PhD in Marital Psychology'.. sounds great, doesn't it..? I've read 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus..' by John Gray.. I've read 'Surviving Men' by Shobha De.. (which was quite mean actually.. lol) and several other books on relationships by our famous expert Dale Carnegie.. I have browsed several 'Understanding men' types websites.. and so can profess to have some knowledge on the same.. For those of u for whom these tips work.. GREAT! And for those of u for whom they don't.. just understand that they are not my brain's progeny.. so I'm not to blame for any fiasco whatsoever..

Secrets for a happy lasting Marriage:

SECRET 1: PUT YOUR PROBLEMS ASIDE.

Before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will with your spouse. And this is doable even in the most difficult marital situations. If your marriage is stressed, do NOT tackle your problems. Stop talking about things that are bound to widen the rift, the whining, the complaining and the attention you're not getting, or whatever. If your timing is off, trying to solve your problems will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution.

Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS and spend your time and energy doing specific relationship building activities. It’s counter-intuitive, but if you do this, most of your problems will dissipate, and the other people invading your marriage will become irrelevant.

SECRET 2: GET INVOLVED.. TALK & TOUCH.
How you and your spouse SPEND YOUR TIME determines the strength of your marriage. Spend it together and you'll feel connected. Do your own thing too often and you might sleep in the same bed, but you'll feel worlds apart.

Many couples are very good at coordinating compatible lives. He's got his schedule. She's got her schedule. Some couples sleep under one roof, but they lead COMPLETELY separate lives. You can achieve compatibility like this (like you had with your college roommate), which is not a bad thing, but you won't have a good marriage. You might manage your family fine, but your relationship will NOT be fulfilling. And you'll be lonely. You might not be alone, but you'll be lonely.

Establish the RIGHT HABITS and do them CONSISTENTLY. Talk and touch every day, for example, tell your spouse about your dreams. Share your fears. Tell a joke. Talk about the interesting person you met today or the pleasant memories you have of your childhood. And don't fight! Just talk. A warm hug out of nowhere can work wonders too.. Love requires SPENDING TIME TOGETHER and being involved in each other's lives. It's not about being independent; it's about being successfully INTERdependent.

SECRET 3: GIVE

Most people think that the FEELING of love comes BEFORE we express love. And in the beginning of a relationship, that's what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions. But mature love asks more of you. To create a strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow. After all, you don't jog two miles or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!

SECRET 4: THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love", because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable - you can "make" love with your actions.

SECRET 5: DEVELOP A LOVING CHARACTER AND NOT JUST PERSONALITY.

"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character."
- Peter Devries

We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER. "Personality" is easy to understand. Your "personality" is how people experience you. It's your public persona. But what is "character?" And why is "character" so crucial in your marriage? Character is who you are when no one is watching. You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your spouse and you were shown by your spouse your public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each other. It's just your personality; how you display yourself to others.

But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF that gets revealed for the first time. You and your spouse don't meet the person who charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your CHARACTERS.

The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they don't like their spouse. It's that they don't like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don't like what they see. Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating anyone the way they treat their spouse. They don't recognize their own behavior. Develop a strong endearing character from inside and not just a personality from outside which will prompt your spouse to love you for what you really are..

SECRET 6: BE CAREFUL AND MINDFUL OF WORDS AND ACTIONS.

Do you remember when you and your spouse were so CAREFUL with each other that you measured your words and watched your behavior? And then you got careless. Then you started to take each other for granted. One of the keys to restoring a marriage is to re-instill FEAR in each other. I don't mean fear like you fear a robber. I mean fear like you would fear carrying a million dollar antique vase. You wouldn't want to drop it. You'd be so careful. You'd do everything you could to protect its condition. You should bring that consciousness back to YOUR marriage.

Words hurt you and do more harm than physical injuries.. They break your heart. In frustration or rage, people say the dumbest things and use the most obscene language. Even if you or your spouse didn't mean to say it, once it's said, the damage is done. That’s why it's so important for spouses to learn to control themselves and watch what they say.

Do I hear u say.."But hey, I was just being HONEST." People think they can say anything in the name of honesty. But, when you hurt someone with your words, it's not honest; it's stupid. And it's insensitive. Truth (in relationships) is not just a statement that's factually accurate. It's a statement expressed with the utmost concern for another person's feelings.

SECRET 7: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

Have you ever been to a winery? Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really...play along with me here for a moment. Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What's the point of it all?

A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. "Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?" But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.

The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages. The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.

Pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY. A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.

In conclusion let me remind u.. THE BEST GIFT U CAN GIVE UR CHILDREN IS TO LOVE EACH OTHER.
You're probably trying your best to be a good parent, right? Think for a moment about all the time, energy, and money you put into your children. You send them to the best schools, help them with their homework, buy them the cutest clothes, work hard to save for their college education, take them to the best doctors, plan special birthday parties, drive them to football practice, and make their favorite dinner.

That’s all fine, but makes no mistake about it; the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your children is NONE of those things. The most important thing you can do for your children has nothing to do with their education, entertainment, athletic endeavors, or even their physical health. The most important thing YOU can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE with your spouse.

It's hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. Why? Because teaching your children how to succeed in love is your MOST IMPORTANT responsibility. There will be nothing more important in your children's lives than the success of their marriage. (I know you know that.) And who's going to teach them how to love their spouse. You are! But they won't learn it from what you say; they’ll learn it from the life you lead...they'll learn it from YOUR marriage. I know you can do it.. All the best!!

Lonely.. I'm so Lonely..

U must have heard of this song 'Lonely.. I'm so lonely..' by Akon..If u haven't.. that's fine.. Akon has got nothing to do with this post.. but the subject of his song sure does.. I'm sure we all are very much aware of how painful, dreadful and awful loneliness can be.. I have been reading quite many blogs off late and I find a very interesting yet disturbing pattern. Call my blog hopping pattern as coincidence or providence or whatever u choose to call it, I find a marked, distinctive characteristic of loneliness very apparent in so many blogs.. One of the many reasons why blogging is catching up like a house on fire is also because of the fact that we all are craving for some company.. company to share.. to talk.. and apparently to justify to others and exonerate ourselves of our own behavioral psyche and our set of beliefs.. how very interesting.. !

I quite honestly marvel at this whole 'blogging' concept. I'm really glad and pleasantly surprised that so many of us, the common folk with no exemplary writing skills have the innate capability to write and express their thoughts so beautifully, to share, to communicate to the world so vividly what is going on in our lives, in our minds and in our hearts... to talk about our unrealized and most cherished dreams, our aspirations, our heartwarming experiences.. Some of us are such literary geniuses that they can put the likes of Shakespeare to shame..

We all hate to be lonely, don't we? We run away from it and from our very own selves at times.. We prefer to make hordes of fake friends.. get into social circles, help groups, support groups and what not.. but we are still lonely at the end of the day.. What we fail to realize is that we r fixing things temporarily.. we need to fix the leakage inside before fixing it from outside.. The best companionship can be provided by your spouse or immediate family and no one else.. A couple who has found a friend and companion in each other has been bestowed the greatest blessing of all.. 'Gift of Companionship for a Lifetime.' These days spouses run away from each other and seek solace and company elsewhere in friends and acquaintances.. how sad! Didn't Adam have Eve as his only companion and yet managed to survive and give rise to the entire human population..??

I have often wondered why is the world getting depleted of compassion, mercy, honesty, empathy and true companionship..? Why is there so little trust left in humanity? Why do we always expect the worst in human nature..? Why are we so lonely in spite of having so many people around? Why? Why? Why?

There are the 'MUST DO's' on my list.. few things according to me which one should experience/ try to do at least once in their lifetime. I will personally bestow them the privilege of engraving 'Lived Life My Size' on their epitaphs..

1. Should have loved someone deeply, passionately, unconditionally and selflessly.
2. Can claim to have at least one best friend who can come running to their aid in the middle of the night. (Yes.. such friends do exist)
3. Can call himself/ herself a 'child at heart'.. has enjoyed the so called little pleasures of life.. has got drenched in the first showers of the rain, has played basketball with children, rode a bicycle, can make children laugh and is a favorite with them..
4. Has planted a tree and tendered to it and watched it grow from a sapling to a strong huge tree..
5. One act of kindness a day.. or just simply make someone smile..
6. Pray, meditate, spend at least hour an hour to relax and de-stress
7. Go for long drives, moonlit beach walks, watching the sunset or spend time close to nature..
8. Value things u see and people u meet as if u r seeing/meeting them for the very first or the last time in your life..
9. Talk to the elderly people.. spend some time listening to their encounters with life and their pearls of wisdom..
10. Teach a child one act of virtue he will remember u for.. his entire life..
11. Give Sadaqa (charity). Haven't u heard..' A dead man carries to his grave clutched in his hands only what he has given away.'
12. Visit the sick.. remember death and sickness and old age.. don't forget that ultimately u will be laid down in a small dark earthen grave..

I think if a person has not done a single thing from the above list then his life on this earth is unjustified.. what an utter waste his life on earth would be.. Its better to be in a vegetative state than to breath and emote like a human and yet be unmoved and oblivious to life's little pleasures and acts of kindness and piety..

Signing off with this ghazal.. 'Tere baare main jab soncha nahi tha..'

Kuch Ashaar.. dedicated to the lovers of urdu poetry

I have always been an admirer of 'Urdu Shayari' and so very much wanted to dedicate at least one post to the same.. Whenever I get some time on my hands, my only past time other than reading is to browse through 'Ashaars' (couplets). My taste in Urdu shayari is of the sad hard hitting genre.. I have liked ashaars which are told straight from the heart and somehow can tell tales and move u to tears in just a few couplets.. Here are some which I found to my liking.. hope u like them as well.. I've translated them to the best of my ability.. Read and enjoy!

Jab main kehta hoon Ya Allah mera haal dekh
Hukm hota hain apna naam-e-amaal dekh
~Akbar Allahbaadi

'Look at my state O God' when I pray
Straight comes the answer 'Your own deeds survey'

Ibteda yeh thi ki jeene ke liye marta tha main
Inteha yeh hain ki marne ki bhi hastrat na rahi
~Mahir-ul-Qadri

I was dying to live in my early days
I do not even pine to die, this is the ultimate

Marte hain Mir sab, par na is bekasi ke saath
Maatam pe tere koi na roya pukar kar
~Mir Taqi Mir

Everyone dies Mir, but not in such a plight
None in your funeral wailed aloud or cried

Ab to ghabra ke yeh kehte hain ke mar jayenge
Mar ke bhi chain na paya to kidhar jayenge
~Zauq

We'll die' now we cry, fed up with this life
what shall we do, if death too fails to bring respite?

Mout ka ek din moyyan hain
Neend kyu raat bhar nahi aati

There is a time fixed for death
why cant I sleep at night?

Hue mar ke hum jo ruswa, kyun hue na gharqe darya
Na kabhi janaza uthta, na kahin mazhar hota
~Ghalib

Why didnt I drown in the river ere this disgrace?
There wouldn't have been a funeral, there wouldn't have been a grave

Aakhen khuli to jaag uthi hasratein tamaam
Usko bhi kho diya jise paaya tha khwab main
~Siraj Lakhnavi

With the opening of my eyes, yearnings too revived
I lost even the one I found in my dreams

Ik na-tamaan khwab mukammil na hosaka
Aane ko meri zindagi main bahut inqalaab aaye
~Andleeb Shadaani

The long cherished dream of mine never did realize
Many a revolution though occurred in my life

Mujhe rokega tu ai nakhuda kya gharq hone se
ke jinko doobna hain woh doob jaate hain safeenon main
~Iqbal

How can u O helmsman, save me from death?
Those fated to drown will drown despite the boat

Khismat se hi lachaar hoon aye zauq wa-garna
Har fun main hoon main taaq, mujhe kya nahi aata

Fate has bowed me down O Zouq, otherwise
What is it I do not know, Who can deny my skills?
~Zauq

Wo bewafa kahe mujhe jisse wafa karoon
Main badnaseeb apne muqaddar ka kya karoon
~Bekhud Dehlvi

Even those whom I love distrust my faith
What should I, the hapless, do about my fate?

Dil ke phaphole jal uthe seene ke dagh se
Is ghar ko aag lag gayi, ghar ke chiragh se
~Anon

My blistered heart is set afire by its inner scar
By its own lighted lamp, the house has been scorched

Kab tak kisi ke soog main royenge baith kar
Hum khud ko kitni baar yeh samjha ke ro pade
~Anon

Till when do I sit and weep in mourning for someone

I've cried many a times reasoning this with myself

Kabhi kaha na kisise tere fasaane ko

Na jaane kaise khabar hogayi zamane ko

Chaman main barq nahin chodti kisi soorat

Tarah tarah se banata hoon aashiyaane ko

~Qamar Jalalabadi

I have never revealed your story to anyone

I know not how everyone got to know of it

The lightning never fails to strike in the garden

Where I keep constructing my dwelling in so many ways

Mera khamosh reh kar bhi, unhen sab kuch suna dena

Zabaan se kuch na kehna, dekh kar aansoon baha dena

Ijazat ho to keh doon Qissa-e-Ulfat Sar-e Mehfil

Mujhe kuch to fasaana yaad hain, Kuch tum suna dena

Main mujrim hoon, mujhe iqraar hain Jurm-e-Mohabbat ka

Magar pehle khata par ghour karlo, phir saza dena

Main in halaat main pahuncha, hashrwaale khud pukaar utthe

Koi faryaad karne aaraha hain, rasta dena

~Qamar Jalalvi

In spite of being quiet, I would say everything to him
My tongue would be silent but my eyes would weep

Do I have your permission to reveal the story of our love to everyone
I remember some of it, the rest u tell everyone

I'm a sinner, I confess I'm guilty of the crime of love
But first reflect on my mistake, then punish me for it

I reached in that state, the people on the day of judgment shouted
Someone is coming with a plea, please give way

Duniya ne hum pe jab koi ilzaam rakh diya

Hum ne muqabil us ke tera naam rakh diya

Ik khaas hadh pe aagayi jab teri berukhi

Naam us ka hum ne Gardish-e-Ayyam rakh diya

Ab jis ke dil main aaye wohi paaye roshni
Hum ne to dil jala ke Sar-e-Aam rakh diya

Kya maslahat shanaas thaa vo aadamii 'Qateel'
Majbooriyon kaa jis ne vafaa naam rakh diyaa

When the world leveled an allegation against me
In answer to it, I placed your name before them

When your indifference reached a particular limit
I gave it the name of 'circle of time'

Now whoever wishes can get luminescence
I have set my heart afire and placed it in front of everyone

What a clever man it was 'Qateel'
Who gave the name 'faithfulness' to obligations

Kiya hain pyar humne jisse zindagi ki tarah
Wo Aashana bhi mila humse ajnabee ki tarah

Kabhi na soncha tha hum ne 'Qateel' uske liye
Karega hum pe sitam woh bhi har kisi ki tarah
~Qateel

He whom I loved more than my life
That friend met me like a total stranger

I never expected this from him 'Qateel'
That even he would be cruel like everyone else

Aye maut! Unhe bhulaye zamane guzar gaye
Aaja ke zeher khaaye zamaane guzar gaye

O jaanewale aa ke tere intezaar mein
Raste ko ghar banaye zamaane guzar gaye

Gham hain na ab khushi hain na ummeed hain na aas
Sab se najaat paaye zamane guzar gaye

Kya laayaq-e-sitam bhi nahi ab main doston
Patthar bhi ghar main aaye zamaane guzar gaye

Jaane bahaar phool nahi aadmi hoon main
Aaja ke muskuraaye zamaane guzar gaye
~Khumar Barabankhwi

O death! Its been ages since I erased him from my memories
Please come now that its been ages I've drank poison

O wayfarer come back, in ur endless waiting
Its been ages that I've made the street as my home

There is no grief, no happiness, no hope, no desire
Its been ages that I freed myself from them

Am I not not even befitted to cruelty my friends
Its been ages that a stone has been thrown into my house

O dear I'm not a flower but a human
Please come now that its been ages I smiled

Aap kehte the ke rone se na badalenge naseeb
Umr bhar aap ki is baat ne rone na diya

Tujhse milkar hamein rona tha bahot rona tha
Tangi-e-waqt-e-mulaaqaat ne rone na diya

Ek do roz kaa sadma ho to rolein 'Faakir'
Hum ko har roz ke sadamaat ne rone na diya

~Sudarshan Faakhir

Crying will not change your destiny is what you used to say
Your saying prevented me from crying my whole life

I wanted to meet u and cry and keep on crying
The so little time for the meeting prevented me from crying

I would have cried had it been a day or two's sorrow
Its an everyday state of sorrows that prevented me from crying

Back with a bang!!!

Heeeeelloooo people! I'm back.. Its feels great to be back after a long hiatus.. Yesss.. I'm on this long holiday to Hyderabad.. (err.. it stopped being a holiday after the initial hullabaloo and now its just a never ending vacation) Hey, but guess what did I miss the most during all these months.. no silly.. not the Gori Goras of the West, not even the organized non-horn honking roads minus the heavy pollution.. But what I truly did miss, was my blog and all of U, my dear dear fanatic fans who so devotedly visited my blog and waited endlessly for my posts .. (Please stop that snickering smile of urs, its irritating me to no end ) Hmph, so I was saying.. this post is dedicated to all my dear fans.. thank u one and all I'm so glad, n overwhelmed to see so many hits on the counter.. (what? come on.. u really don't think I've been spamming my own blog to increase the hit counter.. do u?)

I had been eagerly anticipating this vacation for months altogether.. I thought a little vacation would rejuvenate my spirits, clear the clutter in my brain, blow over some calmness and soothe my countenance a good deal after all the wear and tear of my mind, body and soul.. And hey havent u heard.. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' or was it.. 'Distance.. blah blah.. ' Whatever it is.. I missed venting out, missed the musings, the banter and most of all I missed the connection with myself thru my blog..

I had longed for a this vacation for a loooong time, dreamed about it, devised big plans about the revelry and merrymaking I would indulge in.. As it usually happens.. a lot of prior excitement can be a dangerous thing.. When I actually did come down here, everything appeared new and transformed.. starting from the brand new airport to the brand new foreign eateries.. to the brand new people with brand new attitudes The Hyderabad which I had left behind has drastically transformed itself into this pub hopping, disc jockeying, malls mushrooming, expensive metropolis with people scurrying past one another in a mad frenzy.. Where is the warmth and the 'tehzeeb' of Hyderabad which I was sooo profoundly proud of? The city seems to be running madly to God knows where.. even at times jumping the red light.. Mere pyare Hyderabad.. I miss u..

The streets, the hangouts, the nooks and the corners where I spent the most precious years of my life are giving me the creeps.. I stand outside and just stare at them as if my past is going to spring to life.. but alas.. wishful thinking it is! I hope my feelings and views change for the better in course of time.. Amen to that!
Listen to this opportune ghazal which so inadvertently expresses my feelings at the moment..